Bohemian Rhapsody

Inspired by this post on CAPAC’s blog:

Top 3 worst cross-overs from Wrestling into Music

*****

No. 3

Ultimate Warrior vs. Phil Collins

The Ultimate Warrior has the highest ‘exposure to talent’-ratio of any wrestler in the long and glorious history of the industry. The guy had tons of charisma and a complete inability to understand the nature of a wrestling-match. The only reason that this man ended up competing in excellent matches is because his opponents worked their asses off to make Mr. Charisma look good.

So what happened when Ultimate Warrior squared off against opponents, who did not have the ability to make him look good? Let’s watch this match between Ultimate Warrior and The Phil Collins, and we’ll find out. The video starts off with a Warrior-less and Collins-less comedy-skit, but the attention turns to wrestling about 30 seconds in.

*****

No. 2

Hulk Hogan vs. Dolly Parton

Dolly Parton is one helluva gifted song-writer. I am a Dolly Parton-fan. Hulk Hogan is the biggest superstar in the history of professional wrestling. A meeting of these two greats is bound to be magic.

Magic turd with vomit on top, that is.

This is Dolly Partons 1987-video for ‘Headlock on my heart’.

The first time that I saw him
Was in a wrestling magazine.
Then I watched him on TV,
Then I bought a ringside seat.

His name was Starlight Starbright,
The greatest in the land.
He sprinkled stardust in my eyes
I was his biggest fan.

He’s got a headlock on my heart.
It was a takedown from the start.
He’s a master of the art.
He’s got a headlock on my heart.

I’ve got two things to say about these lyrics:

1) His name was Starlight Starbright… Starlight friggin’ Starbright? Are you kidding me? …you sure you’re not kidding me? Who the fuck would want to wrestle under that moniker?

2) A headlock is a move that is popular with wrestlers, as the headlocked wrestlers mouth is not visible during the headlock, thus allowing communication. In other words, it is a move that is often enforced by inexperienced rookie-wrestlers, who get stumped in the middle of a match and needs the advice of their opponent (read: partner). Oh, well…

The song is actually OK, but it has to be ruined by Hogan cut… Erhm, I mean Starlight Starbright cutting corny promos over the song, and Hog… I mean Starlight and Dolly taking their wedding vows in the center of the ring. Here goes:

*****

No. 1

Vince McMahon performing ‘Stand Back’

What would you do if you were the most successful promoter in the history of professional wrestling, a billionaire and had no singing talent whatsoever?

Well, obviously you would display your complete lack of musical talent at the cheesiest award-show in the history of cheesy award shows; The Slammys. A short-lived wrestling award-show from the 80′ies. How cheesy was this show? Well, in 1987 one of the awards wasn’t awarded because Sika (a Samoan savage) ate the envelope with the winners name in it.

If you always wanted to listen to a billionaire who can’t sing, but has reserved a slot on American prime time TV to do so anyways, then this clip is for you: