Bohemian Rhapsody

Before I address Mos Def, let me address my readers:

Is English your native language?

If so; congratulations!

Congratulations on winning the first prize in ‘The Great Global Lottery of Languages’. While some us are raised with a language spoken by a mere 5 million people, your birth bestows upon you a great privilegie. You will speak the dominant language of this world as your mother tongue, while the rest of us struggle to learn it through equal parts education and osmosis (osmosis because the English language is all around us, even in far flung Denmark).

Speaking English will open up doors to career-opportunities, travel-experiences and a world of litterature, movies and arts (more movies, books, artworks get translated into English than any other language in the world). But like any lottery-winner, you must also heed a warning:

DON’T FRIGGIN’ SQUANDER AWAY YOUR WINNINGS

I just saw the most recent episode of Real Time with Bill Maher. His guests were the Indian novelist Salman Rushdie, the British secularist Christopher Hitchens and the American rapper and political activist Mos Def. It was sort of like the old song that used to eminate from Sesame Street: One of these things is not like the others…

Maher, Rushdie and Hitchens were all wise and witty. Mos Def… Well, half the time I didn’t know what he was saying. Don’t get me wrong; I understood every single word he said. But still I had a very limited idea about what he actually aimed to say by combining those exact words in the manner he did.

Mos Def applied alternative grammatics and terminologies in a way, which I as a European only get exposed to in some pockets of African-American culture. I am sure there is a politically correct term for this language, and I know that the politically correct term is not ‘talking black’. I will happily use the proper term in the future, if anybody informs me what that term is.

I’ve got nothing against transforming the English language for artistic means, and it must be said in Mos Defs defense that such a transformation is his job. He is a rapper after all. Likewise, I have nothing against pockets of society developing their own twist on the prevalent language. And finally, I have nothing against bilinguals having a less than stellar grasp of the English language. But…

When you have a chance to get your message out to a global audience…

When you are debating with people who speak standardized English…

When you have an idea that you wish to promote across cultural and linguistic lines…

When your primary audience is a country full of immigrants, who are having a hard enough time learning English in the first place…

Please do your audience, yourself and your message the favor of speaking a standardized version of the English language…

Dearest Mos Def;

You are a Grand Prize winner in ‘The Great Global Language Lottery’. By virtue of your blessed birth you will be raised to speak English. You will be educated in the standardized use of the English language by teachers who are themselves native speakers of English.

Not only did you win that priceless Grand Prize. Your succesful career as a rapper is indisputable testimony to your gift of linguistic intelligence.

Now as a rapper, you should by all means keep on reinventing the English language. But when you appear before a worldwide audience as a political activst, then please… plesase… PLEASE…

Please apply your linguistic intelligence to mastery of the standardized version of the English language.

During the two of your Real Time-appearances that I’ve watched, I’ve managed to catch a few of your points. You’ve voiced doubt about Muslim involvement in 9/11. You’ve objected to Bill Mahers jokes at Islams expense. You’ve advocated unilateral nuclear disarmament as a response to the Iranian nuclear programs.

Those are all very interesting points to be advancing. In fact those points are so interesting, that by now I’d really, really, really like to listen to and understand your argument in favor of these outlandish positions.

So please do this pentalingual listener the favor of speaking standardized English the next time you appear as a political activist in front of a global audience.